Two Blondes with hammers

Two Blondes with hammers


Two blondes with hammers, Carol and Donna, were doing some carpenter work on a Habitat for Humanity house.


Carol, who was nailing down house siding, would reach into her nail pouch, pull out a nail, and either toss it over her shoulder or nail it in.


Donna, figuring this was worth looking into, asked, 'Why are you throwing those nails away?'


Carol explained, 'When I pull a nail out of my pouch, about half of them have the head on the wrong end, and I throw them away.'


Donna got completely upset and yelled, 'You moron! Those nails aren't defective! They're for the other side of the house!'

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what wud u do?

what wud u do?

He had been suspecting that his wife was cheating. So, he planned a dummy trip and returned suddenly, arriving home unexpectedly.

He came in a special after midnight and asked the driver to accompany him into the house to be a witness.

For 100,000/- the special hire driver accepted and followed him stealthily into the house. Brandishing a pistol, the husband tiptoed into the bedroom with the driver in tow.

They entered the bedroom and as the husband switched on the lights, the driver yanked the blanket back and there they were. The wife was in bed with another man.

The husband put a gun to the naked man's head as the wife shouted, "don't do it! This man has been very generous to us! I lied when I told you I inherited money. He is the one who paid for the Prado I bought for you.

He paid for this house we now own, he gave me the money we owed the bank and he pays for all the tickets we use for theatre. He also pays our childrens' school fees and even for that suit and the others you wear. He even pays our monthly dues!"

Shaking in disbelief, the husband slowly lowered the gun, looked over at the taxi driver and asked, "What would you do if it were you?"

The driver said, "cover him up with that blanket before he catches a cold!"

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Microsoft looking for New Chairman!

Microsoft looking for New Chairman!


Bill Gates organized an enormous session to recruit a new Chairman for Microsoft Europe. 5000 candidates assembled in a large room. One candidate is Arun an Indian (Mumbai) guy.

Bill Gates thanked all the candidates for coming and asking those who do not know JAVA program to leave. 2000 people leave the room. Arun says to himself, 'I do not know JAVA but I have nothing to lose if I stay. I'll give it a try'

Bill Gates asked the candidates who never had experience of managing more than 100 people to leave.

2000 people leave the room. Arun says to himself ' I never managed anybody by myself but I have nothing to lose if I stay. What can happen to me?' So he stays.

Then Bill Gates asked candidates who do not have management diplomas to leave. 500 people leave the room. Arun says to himself, 'I left school at 15 but what have I got to lose?' So he stays in the room.

Lastly, Bill Gates asked the candidates who do not speak Serbo - Croat to leave. 498 people leave the room. Arun says to himself, 'I do not speak one word of Serbo - Croat but what do I have to lose?' So he stays and finds himself with one other candidate.

Everyone else has gone.

Bill Gates joined them and said 'Apparently you are the only two candidates who speak Serbo - Croat, so I'd now like to hear you have a conversation together in that language.'

Calmly, Arun turns to the other candidate and says 'Kaisa hai re tu'

The other candidate answers 'Accha hai re'

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The Habitual Mistake

The Habitual Mistake

An employee walks into the Accounts office and says "What is the meaning of this. I have been paid $200 less than what was decided upon."

The Accountant replies "I know about it, but you did not complain when we paid $200 extra by mistake last month."

The employee snaps back "Yeah, I can bear with occasional mistakes but when you make it a habit I think I need to report."

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Bas ab yahi baki tha :)

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You know you are living !

YOU KNOW YOU ARE LIVING IN 2009 when...

1. You accidentally enter your password on the microwave.

2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.

3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of three.

4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.

5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that they don't have e-mail addresses.

6. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home to help you carry in the groceries.

7. Every commercial on television has a web site at the bottom of the screen.

8. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn't have the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic and you turn around to go and get it.

10. You get up in the morning and go on line before getting your coffee.

11. You start tilting your head sideways to smile. : )

12. You're reading this and nodding and laughing.

13. Even worse, you know exactly to whom you are going to forward this message.

14. You are too busy to notice there was no #9 on this list.

15. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn't a #9 on this list

AND NOW U R LAUGHING at yourself.









Sent from BlackBerry® on Airtel

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Staff Notice Due to Financial Situation

*Dear Staff,

Due to the current financial situation caused by worldwide slowdown of economy since end of 2007, Management has decided to implement a scheme to put workers of 30 plus years of age on early retirement.

This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retiring Appropriate People Early). People selected for RAPE can also apply to management for eligibility in SHAFT scheme (Special Help, After Forced Termination) . People who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the SCREW scheme (Systematic Coursing Retired Early Workers). A person may be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as many times as Management deems appropriate.

People who have been RAPED can only get AIDS (Additional Income for Dependants or Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel Early Severance). Obviously people who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or SCREWED any further by management.

People left and staying on will receive as much SHIT (Special High Intensity Training) as possible. Management has always prided itself on the amount of SHIT it gives to its employees. Should you feel that you do not receive enough SHIT, please bring to the attention of your Supervisor. They have been trained to give you all the SHIT you may require and handle.

Yours Sincerely,

The Management**
Thanks & Regards,*

*PRESIDENT*
*ISI (INTERNATIONAL SOFTWARE INSTALLATION)COMPANY*
Sent from BlackBerry® on Airtel

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